Simple Strategies to Ground After High-Stress Social Situations

StressGuest Pieces

Jan 14

By Renee Zukin, Author of Every Day, I’m Brave: Cultivating Resilience to Gain Freedom from Fear

Whether we are talking about a gathering with family who may not always be supportive, a networking event where you don’t know a single person or walking into a work party for your new job, social situations with added stressors can create more anxiety and tension than just a typical hang out with friends. New environments, unfamiliar people, unpredictable conversations, and long-standing relationship dynamics can all signal to our nervous system that we need to be on high alert.

If you’re anything like me, even social situations that I’m really excited about can leave me feeling a little anxious beforehand and highly drained afterward. Does it mean that there is something wrong with us or that we shouldn’t go? Nope. It just means we may need to prepare ourselves a bit differently than others so that we can still reap the benefits of connection and fun.

However, it is possible to reduce the overall impact on our nervous system with some simple planning and taking care of ourselves afterward. Think of it as bringing along a self-care toolbox—one filled with simple, discreet practices you can use before, during, and after social interactions to help you feel more grounded and regulated.

Set Boundaries Ahead of Time

There is something to be said for learning how to sit with discomfort. This is often the brave and challenging work of overcoming the fear that keeps us stuck. Avoidance can shrink our lives over time, and for many anxious folks—especially those with people-pleasing or peace-keeping tendencies—setting boundaries is both deeply uncomfortable and profoundly liberating.

One way to support yourself is by getting clear about what you are comfortable with before the event happens. If you worry about certain topics coming up that tend to spike your anxiety or trigger emotional overwhelm, you can decide in advance what you’re willing to engage in and what you’re not.

You might let people know ahead of time, or simply have a few prepared responses ready, such as:

“Thanks for asking about my career plans—I’m not ready to talk about those details today.”
“I’m focusing on enjoying the evening, so I’d rather not talk about that right now.”
“Oh, that’s a long story, and tonight isn’t the best time.”

Here’s the truth: you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. Boundaries don’t require justification to be valid, and having some key phrases that you practice (even if it feels silly to do so) will help you immensely in the moment.

Another helpful strategy is to come armed with a few go-to questions you can ask others. This can shift the focus off of you and gives conversations some structure. In general, people love to talk about themselves. Ask about a recent win, a favorite show they’re watching, a hobby they enjoy, or something they’re looking forward to. Then just sit back and listen. You don’t have to perform, impress, or carry the entire interaction.

Grounding in the Moment

If you’re at an event and feel yourself getting overwhelmed, there are some helpful strategies to get yourself back into the present moment and reassure yourself that everything is okay.

For example, one of my favorite ways to ground myself if I start to feel anxious or a little “floaty” at a gathering is to silently name things I can see or hear in the room. I might notice the hum of conversation, the color of the walls, the clink of glasses, or the feel of my feet on the floor.

Tapping into the senses (you can use all five) helps anchor you to the world around you instead of the thoughts or feelings internally. Noticing and naming gives the brain something tangible to focus on—rather than spiraling into overthinking and overwhelm.

Two additional effective self-regulation tools you can use in real time involve the breath and the body. These practices are simple, subtle, and powerful.

For instance, if you suddenly notice that you’ve been holding your breath or if you feel those butterflies and are taking more rapid breaths, try a basic box breathing exercise (also known as four-count breathing). It goes like this:

Inhale for 4 counts
Hold for 4
Exhale for 4
Hold for 4

Repeat this for a few rounds as needed.

If your heart is racing or you feel particularly activated, you can emphasize a longer exhale as a way to slow your heart rate. For example, inhale for 4 counts, skip the hold, and slowly exhale for 7 or 8 counts instead.

The way the lungs and heart work together is pretty magical. The inhale gently increases heart rate; the exhale slows it down. So, by extending the exhale you’re essentially sending a signal of safety to the nervous system.

The second practice I recommend is to reconnect with your body. During stressful conversations, we often retreat into our heads or slip into fear responses. When you notice this happening, you might place a hand on your heart, rest your palms on your thighs, or press your feet into the floor with some gentle pressure. This sends a message to your brain that you’re here and safe.

Nobody will notice, in fact some folks do this unconsciously because they are so practiced at self-soothing during times of stress. These small exercises can make a big difference in helping you not only stay present but to also support you in enjoying the experience.

Create a Soft Landing Afterwards

Once the social event is over, how you transition back into your own space matters. Instead of pushing through to the next task or immediately jumping into another high stress environment, consider creating a “soft landing” for yourself.

One of my favorite things to do after socializing—especially if it’s been emotionally demanding—is to get cozy. Change into comfortable clothes. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Dim the lights. This isn’t indulgent or weak; it’s necessary for regulation.

Here are some additional ways you can have a more easeful transition after high-stress social situations:

Reach out to a trusted friend.

Text or call someone who feels safe and grounding. You don’t need advice or fixing—just connection. Let them know you just want a few minutes to be heard.

Get outside or connect with nature.

A short walk, standing barefoot on the ground, or simply stepping outside for fresh air can help reset your nervous system quickly and sustainably.

Rest.

I can’t stress this enough: rest is not meant to be earned, but is part of a daily act of self-care and recalibration. Your system has not only earned it, it desires it!

For the Times When Your Mind Just Won’t Let Go

Sometimes anxiety makes us replay conversations in our mind long after they’re over to look for clues or create different responses. If you find yourself hyperfocused on moments that feel impossible to release, here are a few ways to loosen their grip:

Set a timer and journal.

Give yourself 5–10 minutes to write freely about what’s bothering you. Often, insight or relief happens simply from expressing what’s swirling inside your mind. When the timer goes off, read what you wrote. What did you notice? How do you feel?

Reframe the story.

Ask yourself: What am I assuming here? What else might be true? Get curious rather than critical. Most social “mistakes” live far louder in our minds than they do in anyone else’s. You can do this in conversation, in a journal, or simply quietly in the mind.

Distract with intention.

If you’ve given yourself space to process and it still feels heavy, it’s time to shift gears. Put on music, watch a comforting show, read a book—do something absorbing that gives your mind a break.

When all else fails, go to bed.

Sleep resets so much for us. Things almost always feel different in the morning… or after a 20 minute power nap.

Bravely Trusting Yourself

Ultimately, remember that you get to decide what’s best for you in any given situation. Bravery doesn’t mean forcing yourself to endure things that leave you depleted. It means listening to your body, honoring your needs, and choosing self-trust again and again.

If you’re out and things get intense and it feels like it’s time to go, have an exit strategy. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to leave early. You’re allowed to opt out of gatherings that no longer feel supportive. None of this makes you weak, difficult, or ungrateful.

Connecting with others matters—and so does knowing when your cup is empty and it’s time for a refill.

These practices are ones I return to again and again, both personally and professionally. They’re woven throughout my book, Every Day, I’m Brave, which examines a life lived not in spite of fear, but alongside it. We don’t get to be brave by eliminating anxiety, instead we can learn how to meet ourselves with compassion, courage, and care in the midst of it.