How Disclosing That I Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Has Impacted My Career
by Sage Nestler, MSW
While I have lived experience with various conditions, borderline personality disorder (BPD) is the one that has led to the most stigmatizing experiences.
Below are examples that all took place in professional settings with fellow mental health professionals:
1) Being offered a featured spot on a panel, then replaced without notice after disclosing that I live with the disorder.
2) Experiencing "respect" regarding my gender until disclosing that I have BPD. Then I was told my gender is wrong and my pronouns are just a part of having an "unstable sense of self." They then chose to refer to me only by my deadname and the incorrect pronouns.
3) Speaking up for others fighting for increased care for people with BPD who have experienced stigma themselves. Then being dismissed when I mention BPD is my specialty AND that I live with the disorder.
4) Being told that confronting a fellow professional who was using inappropriate language when discussing folx with BPD was manipulative.
5) Asking for reasonable accommodations surrounding my AuDHD, and being told this was attention seeking behavior connected to BPD.
In contrast, when I have discussed my experiences with anorexia, trauma, or AuDHD, I have been:
1) Shown empathy, understanding, and great care.
2) Told how valuable sharing my story is.
3) Asked if there were any accommodations I needed - and they were granted without question or judgment.
No one should have to fear losing professional opportunities, having their professional experiences questioned, or refused genuine human care because they have BPD.
Especially when working in a field that very well should be centered on compassionate care for all mental health conditions.
Some of the most compassionate people I have worked with in mental health are professionals who also have lived experience with BPD.
BPD is one of the most stigmatized disorders, and one of the most painful.
Two factors, that when paired together, can cause a lot of harm.
I saw the stigma while I was in school for both my BSSW and MSW before I was diagnosed. I believed what my professors and supervisors told me about people with BPD being “untreatable,” “abusive,” or “psychopaths” because I wasn’t provided with accurate information. As well as multiple professionals telling me that they will never work with people who have BPD, and that I should avoid working with them at all costs.
We didn’t even cover Cluster B Personality Disorders in the DSM-5-TR until I was getting my MSW, and they glossed over all of the disorders in that category for one day - while choosing to spend weeks on other disorders and sections of the DSM-5-TR.
Then, following a mental health crisis and hospitalization upon graduation with my MSW, I was diagnosed with BPD.
I immediately began to sob. I beat myself up because I fully believed that I was a “monster,” a “psychopath” or any of the other derogatory and inaccurate language I had heard throughout my schooling and internships surrounding BPD.
Instead of acknowledging the very painful symptoms I had been living with due to undiagnosed BPD, I pursed treatment solely because I wanted to “fix” myself.
I didn’t want to harm people, and all I had heard was how hard it was for people to “deal with people who have BPD,” not how painful or difficult this disorder is to live with and maintain on a daily basis - let alone moment by moment.
I did begin to see so many of my symptoms in the context of harm that I had caused others, and throughout my treatment reached out to every person who I had hurt.
I felt genuinely destroyed over the pain I had caused them.
But it took me years to realize that while this disorder can have detrimental impacts on our relationships with others, it does cause those of us living with it a lot of pain.
Both things can be true at once.
This doesn’t mean that BPD should ever be an excuse for harmful behavior, but it does mean that we need to acknowledge all of the factors that go into this disorder:
The reality of what is like to live with
Facing stigma and misinformation head on
Never equating people with BPD to their disorder or the harmful stereotypes.
This is why I chose to specialize in BPD.
I never wanted people who get diagnosed with this disorder - whether it is the correct diagnosis for them or not - to experience the stigma and harm I have experienced.
The mental anguish over believing you are a “monster,” having your experiences invalidated, or being immediately judged or rejected based on a label.
I never want people to lose professional experiences or experience a deterioration of their quality of life simply because of the harm the label of BPD brings with it to the person it is applied to.
I will never stop speaking out and speaking up. I will never let my story be silenced again.
If you live with this disorder or suspect you may have it, please know that you aren’t alone.
You aren’t a “monster” or a “psychopath.”
Quite honestly, if you live with the mental anguish that many of us with BPD live with on a daily basis, you are a fighter, period.
Your existence matters, and nothing is worse than having to navigating all aspects of our lives while also battling mental illness.
Keep on fighting. The world needs you, and I will be right by your side.
